Ya know...i've been thinking a lot lately...
Its time is set some stuff straight, its time i undo some mistakes.
And what better time to hold myself to it then the start of a new year. For once im gonna stick by it...i can never seem to be committed to things i put myself to..never (well besides past relationships that is, i'll get to that stuff later)
After my first semister of college...i learned a lot of things...definitly. But i screwed up more then ever. I made so many mistakes, soo many mishappens. For starts...did i even come close to getting my priorities straight? Nope. I would have rather sat on my ass or went out and partied then actually sit down and read a book. And ya know what...i paid for not givin a shit, ya i did. For starts i failed my chemisty class...my gpa is a wooping 1.89 or something like that...im on academic probation...i partied to much...i especially lusted waaay to much...i did weed, more then i ever should have..and i plainly did not give a shit about aaaany body but myself. The only excuse i have is that im only human...and like everyone else, we screw up, we make mistakes...but most importantly, hopefully, we learn from them.
I have lost so much sleep these last few days because i've jsut had so much on my mind. I have so much to turn around, i have so many things that i have to fix cuz I screwed them up. This whole entire break i have done nothing but sat on my ass every single day, ate, treated myself horribly, and didnt even really spend time with my family. Yes i'm sick of this way im living. And i wanna start to fix it.
Then theres one other thing that needs to be fixed. For over a year now...there has been a horribly bitter war, i guess you could call it, between me and some one else. I'm told to not care, im told to just let them be that way. I think its time that this rivalry ended. You know who you are so now just hear me out. We may not be able to be friends, so be it, but why continue to hate eachother? Sure we've both said and done some really stupid things over this past year to really piss eachother off, and i admit i rather enjoyed it, but we both have to admit that its just getting old. Sure i'll admit, for some time, everything i did was just to make you mad...but i guess it was the only way for me to push everything else that happened aside. You may be asking why the hell do i bring it up, why not just leave it be....well because its like i have this thorn i cant get out of my skin. I dont like thinking back in the past and then when somethign with you comes up its like hatred, or dispair, anger....all the bad stuff..and i hate it damnit. Even recently we still carry this thing against eachother. I just think its time to set the crap aside...we dont have to be friends, but damnit lets make it so when we hear the name of the other person we are not like "grrr this and that" Its about time we finally really forgave eachother and ended this. Just hear me and just help me go with this. If and when its finally done, i promise you then, that i will no longer be a person to cause you trouble....and for me, you will no longer be the same. Just say somethin in this lj, email me, call me, i dont care..lets just finally end it...i took the step, so atleast see that.
Now that thats out of my system, yet there is still so much more, i can go on about other stuff. I can jsut say one thing, i've definitly learned from my mistakes. I made them, i'm paying for them greatly, but just know that i too am human. I just really need to get a lot of priorities straight and for once choose the right thing to do....i need my moral back damnit. One thing for new years, along with trying to be more healthy (who doesnt have the resolution), was to start putting school first...and most importantly never ever do that weed thing again....EVER. So now you all know my true real story, i've put set aside my "shield" and my "show" i was putting on to better myself. Throw all the comments at me that i deserve and i promise you i will take them as helping me, even if they are critism...i need that. Its time that i get myself back into gear...its gonna be a lot of work but damnit i'll do it. This is a promise.